Gifts to give your friend with anxiety this Christmas (recommended by an anxious person)

Christmas. It’s the most wonderful time of the year (duh), but it can be a struggle for people who suffer with their mental health. If you’ve got a pal who fits that description and want to put a smile on their face this Christmas, here are some gifts that I (as a fellow anxiety sufferer) think they’d love.

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1. Furiously Happy by Jenny Lawson

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The incredibly witty and insightful Jenny is now one of my favourite bloggers, but before I knew her online, I found her through this book. And yes – I totally did judge it by its cover. That raccoon belonged on my shelf. Anyway, this brilliant book shares insights into Jenny’s experience of anxiety, amazing outlook on life and tidbits of her hilarious past – a great combination that certainly made me feel as though I’d found a kindred spirit. (Oh – and you can check out her blog here.)

2. We Are Never Meeting In Real Life by Samantha Irby

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Much the same as above, I knew Samantha as an author before I knew about her blog, bitches gotta eat. And I actually think I found her through an Amazon recommendation after buying Jenny’s book. Regardless, Irby’s collection of autobiographical essays are at once funny and heartening and, at points, deeply relatable to the anxious reader – again, another great buy that gave me someone to relate to.

3. A colouring book!

Yeah, yeah. You’ve heard this before. I know. But I’m adding it to my list anyway, for the disbelievers. For the people who think that, while colouring books might be cool for most people, it’s totally not their style. I used to be one such disbeliever – until I combined colouring with sipping syrupy coffees in front of my favourite programmes.

When I’m trying to come down from an anxiety high, doing just one thing – like watching TV, playing a video game or reading – often isn’t enough to distract me from the cacophony in my head. However, combining two things – namely, listening to one of my favourite shows while using my hands to colour in detailed sketches – does just the trick. It’s  totally immersive, as all of your senses are occupied (except for taste, unless you throw eating cake into the mix, which I’d totally recommend). You actually feel a great sense of accomplishment once you’ve finished a colouring, too. Plus, now you can get colouring books that range in topic from Lord of the Rings to memes, so really, there’s one for everyone. Try it.  

4. Pretty much anything by The Happy Newspaper

Created by the human embodiment of sunshine, Emily Coxhead, The Happy Newspaper essentially relays happy, great news around the world, complete with doodles that’ll make your heart melt. Subscribe to it on behalf of a pal to get an amazing dose of good vibes delivered to their door in 2019, or check out their amazing merch (of which there’s plenty). Whichever route you go down, this gift is bound to make them grin like this GIF of the Grinch.

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5. A jar of lovely thoughts

Got lots of nice things you’d like to say to your friend? Cut up some coloured cardboard and scribble each thing down on a separate piece. Then, pop them in a cute jar. Voila! Every time your friend feels sad, the jar will remind them that they’re not alone.

6. You Can Do All Things by Kate Allan

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I haven’t personally read this yet, but I’ve followed Kate’s art for a while, and it’s absolutely lovely. She specialises in drawing adorable animals next to heartwarming, life-affirming quotes, so if her Twitter and Instagram feeds are anything to go by, this book will be the best. (She’s also got a daily newsletter which I heartily recommend subscribing to, if you’d like words of encouragement delivered to your inbox every morning).

7. A kit with which to exercise their creative muscles

As discussed in a previous blog post by Amy, creativity can actually be a brilliant form of self-care, and we’d both encourage anyone with anxiety to practice something arty every once in a while. Not only will your creative projects help you to use your brain resourcefully, you might even uncover a talent you didn’t know you had. Grab your pal some knitting supplies, a baking set, book on calligraphy or other to get them started.

Any recommendations of you own? Feel free to share them in the comments below!

 

Creative self-care

Oh lovely, lovely awkward people…

We’re sorry we’ve been quiet, but that’s the last of the ‘s’ word, because this project was never about deadlines, or pressure to deliver content to meet the insatiable needs we’ve all developed thanks to social media…no, no. This blog was born as a creative outlet, a safe, friendly space for us to gather at whatever intervals we saw fit and enjoy stuff (and share awkwardness) together.

So, it’s been a while, but for those of you that don’t know, Laura and her wonderful other half have set up a shiny new content creation company (Jammy Bear), it has the cutest mascot and two of the very best content writers I know at the helm, so hit them up if you have any wordy needs. Similarly, I have been busy with family, getting my youngest settled into school, diving back into work at a faster pace and just general life, so things have been busy. However, here we are, back at it following the success of the interview we did with Lynn Zubernis on Fandom (thank you for all the support and lovely feedback on that), and today we’re talking about self-care.

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Specifically, we’re looking at creativity as a form of self-care.

We’re (obviously) huge fans of creativity in all its forms and I got thinking about how some of the most effective ‘me’ time I have ever taken has been in relation to creative pursuits. I’ll be honest, this is said with absolutely no relation to craft projects with my children – although I adore them (and watching them create), nothing gives me palpitations like a kid with glitter glue and sequins.

I write, I read, but I often dabble in other things. I once made David Bowie as Aladdin Sane out of those little beads you iron together, just because. I doodle, a lot, I like to decorate and arrange things, so it’s safe to say making and doing are things I enjoy, but until more recently I just thought of these as things I liked to pass the time and I didn’t recognise how much of the time spent doing these activities was recharging me. Self-care by definition is about taking time for things that benefit your emotional, mental and physical health, so doing things you love is obvious self-care when we look at that way, but still, modern life tends to have us box everything off or add deadlines and expectations to even that, which can mean we’re seeing our self-care activities as something to schedule too – more pressure.

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I am trying, just like with this blog, to reduce those self-imposed, or societally imbedded pressures.

I want to write here and share stuff, but I want to do so when the mood takes me and when I can write without feeling rushed or like I am doing it because ‘I should’. So I have been playing around with the idea of creativity as self care; I bought some pens, paper and a creative lettering course you study at home, I’ve bought some Christmas decorations to make something new from for the festive season, but more importantly, I am pushing myself out of my comfort zone to attend a Creative Retreat. It’s just a day, but it’s a day to try new creative pursuits, meet other people (awkward) and kind of selfishly, wholly immerse myself in the fact that I am creative, even if I only get around to being so for a few hours every few weeks or months, it’s there. A no-judgement, just do it kind of day, run by women I admire.

Self-care for me is reading, writing, making, planning. It doesn’t mean resting necessarily (though it absolutely can), it’s like unlocking that corner of my brain that gets too full of stuff sometimes. Don’t schedule it, unless that works for you. Self-care can be doing stuff as well as leaving stuff behind, it’s just about finding your thing.

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What’s your perfect self-care Sunday?

Lynn Zubernis – THE INTERVIEW

GUEST STARRING: LYNN ZUBERNIS – PROFESSOR, PSYCHOLOGIST AND AUTHOR OF BOOKS INCLUDING FAMILY DON’T END WITH BLOOD, FANGASM: SUPERNATURAL FANGIRLS AND SUPERNATURAL FAN PHENOMENA.

Firstly, let’s start with a HUGE thank you to the incredible Lynn Zubernis for agreeing to be Flawkward’s first ever guest interview! We’re thrilled to have you as fandom, nerding out and generally being passionate with abandon are at our core on this blog!

This interview is for anyone who has ever felt shamed into playing down their passions, berated for their enthusiasm, or told ‘it’s only a….’ when swept up in the pure joy of something, be it a show, a band, a sport team or anything else.

It’s no secret to the Flawkward crew (myself and my co-founder, Laura), that we are both huge fangirls, though often of quite different things – but the one thing that unites us in fannish glory is the majesty of Supernatural. For the uninitiated, Supernatural is the longest-running genre TV show in US-TV history and Lynn is a real-life, fandom legend who masterfully combined her professional life with her passion for fandom studies.

If you’re thinking ‘but I don’t know Supernatural’ (we’ll discuss how you’ve managed to miss this at another time) don’t despair – this interview is not just about the magic of SPN (as we call it) but also about fandom, the ways we find our tribe within it and how together, fans have the potential to do so much good.

I know we at Flawkward have had that glorious flash of acceptance and validation in our own fandom experiences, so it’s an honour to delve into that with someone we respect so much.

So get this….

Ok Lynn, first of all you’re our hero. Turning fannish pursuits into a fulfilling and fascinating career is an exciting move and one we’re all going to try to emulate after this interview. So, what made you turn your expertise as a Psychologist to the (sometimes whirlwind) world of fandom studies?

 

 

Honestly, I never really intended to change my research area, it just sort of happened organically. When I fell in love with Supernatural and discovered the amazing world of online fandom, my psychologist self became fascinated with the depth of my own fascination! I wanted to figure out WHY I was so besotted and why it felt so validating and core to my identity – why it felt, for lack of a better word, important. The only way to do that was to dive into the research. I did dive into the psychological research first, but it was so uniformly pathologizing that it just made me scratch my head – it wasn’t at all representative of what I was experiencing. So I began to expand my research focus, and that’s when I discovered the (at the time) brand new field of fan studies. Less pathologizing, more accurate, and full of interesting and like-minded people. There weren’t many psychologists in fan studies at the time, so I also felt like I could fill a niche and have something unique to say that would expand the field and challenge some prevailing ideas.

You focus on the positive side of fandom. What do you say to those who perhaps have not read your books (yet) but feel shamed into playing down their passions or are met with those stares we all know from squeeing too much, too loud at the wrong time?

One of the things I always say is that in my clinical experience, the scariest thing is when I ask someone what they’re passionate about and they say “nothing”. All my psychologist instincts immediately go “oh no”. Passion is one of the healthiest, most life-affirming things we can have as humans. It’s good for us – it inspires us, it motivates us, it gives us a reason to make changes and step outside our comfort zones and allow someone else inside to both validate and challenge us. Fandom itself is a healthy thing, over and above being passionate about something. At its best, it’s a supportive community of like-minded people – and that appeals to our innate need to belong and to feel accepted. When we feel like we have support, we can be a lot braver – whether it’s to try something new or to escape something negative or even to try out different ways of being for ourselves. All that comes from love for a television show!

What has been the highlight of the opportunities you’ve had so far, throughout the book research process and just spending time with cast and crew?

Oh, that’s a hard one! I feel incredibly lucky because the entire process has been so fulfilling. I’m grateful that because I was so passionate about this show and this research, I did step outside my comfort zone in a million ways. I mean, this was a person who had rarely even traveled anywhere alone – now I don’t think twice when I need to fly somewhere on my own. I had never felt much sense of self-acceptance before fandom; the support and acceptance of the fan community made me more comfortable with myself, and allowed me to be real in a way I never felt I had permission to be before. This fandom may not always get along or be perfect, but I have found the most wonderful people here – friends for life.

The second wonderful outcome, in addition to the changes in me, is the opportunity to make change in the world and help other people. That’s what I’ve always been pulled to do as a psychologist, obviously, but I never dreamt that writing books could also make such powerful change. Every single time someone tells me that reading Family Don’t End With Blood made them change their mind about suicide and decide to keep fighting, or reading Fangasm gave someone the courage to be real and made them feel validated in who they are, I am profoundly grateful..

When I saw what an impact my first books had in helping fans to feel good about themselves and validated, I had the idea to write a book with the Supernatural actors in which they would share their personal challenges with things like depression, anxiety and self doubt, because what could be more validating for fans than that? That’s how Family Don’t End With Blood came about – Jared, Jensen, Misha, and all the other actors who wrote chapters were incredibly courageous in writing about their personal struggles, and they are all so gratified that the book has had the impact we all intended.

The third highlight is, as you might expect, having the opportunity to get to know this incredible cast. I don’t know how different things would have been if I’d chosen a different television show to research – I suspect very different indeed. Thanks to the casting agency and Kripke’s initial vision, and subsequently the tone that Jared and Jensen established on set (later supported by Misha and other regulars), this is a group of actors who are uniformly kind, caring and willing to challenge the status quo. Early on, they decided to let down some of the barriers that fame and celebrity inevitably create so they could get to know their fans as people – and that has made all the difference. It has been a privilege to know them for over a decade, to have them contribute to all my books, and to work with them while they wrote their chapters for Family Don’t End With Blood. I’m so honored that they trusted me to put that book together, so much that they opened up and shared their very personal struggles in their chapters.

And yes, I’d be lying if I said that every time they’ve invited me to the set, it hasn’t been a highlight of my life. Everyone who works on that show is so welcoming and caring and genuinely appreciative, and it makes for an incredible experience. It’s no secret that I adore the fictional character Dean Winchester – one of my favorite moments, that I’ll never forget, is walking through the beautiful Vancouver woods one day behind Jensen Ackles. He was in character, getting ready to film so dressed as Dean, and I looked down at his feet and those boots and thought to myself ‘I’m walking in Dean Winchester’s footsteps right now.’ It was a powerful moment, as close as I’ll ever get to meeting the fictional character who means so much to me.

Fandom gets a bad rap. The link to the meaning of the word ‘fanatic’ haunts popular culture and breaking down these perceptions is something you’ve worked hard on in your books, through the exploration of what fandom can do, mean to people and achieve. What is the most positive fandom experience you’ve had or been privy to?

Oh my, again so hard – there are so many! At every single con, someone loses their photo op ticket or their book of autographs or something equally precious – and 99% of the time, another fan turns it in and gets it back to them. I’ve seen fans band together to pay for another fan’s surgery. I’ve watched in awe as the Supernatural fandom, again and again and again, rises to the challenge and contributes to numerous charity projects, from building orphanages to rescuing dogs to supporting OutYouth.

For me personally, there have been a few positive moments that stand out. The first time a woman came up to me, sobbing, to tell me that reading Fangasm had allowed her to understand her daughter for the first time. They were at the convention together, and the daughter was behind her, also tearing up. Needless to say, I joined them.  The young woman who told me that she keeps a copy of Family Don’t End With Blood on her nightstand, so she can reach for it and read Jared’s chapter every time she feels like she can’t go on. The woman who came up to my vendor table a few cons ago and told me that Rob Benedict’s chapter in Family Don’t End With Blood had saved her life – literally. She had just read his chapter, which takes you moment by moment through the stroke he had at a convention – when she herself started experiencing symptoms. Because she recognized them immediately, she’s 100% okay.  I mean, you can’t get more positive than that!

Those are just a few examples of how fandom and the fan community and this SPNFamily, both cast and fans, can make change in the world and in each other.

Supernatural is a particularly wonderful example of a two way relationship between Show and Fans….your books have played a key role for many fans in finding validation in their feelings towards Show, but also bringing a sense of access and proximity to the stars. How has your relationship with the cast changed or impacted your inner fangirl and feelings towards Show?

I think, at this point, I’ve found a way to retain my fannishness and my passion for the Show, which is important to me. When I first realized I had to negotiate multiple identities as a researcher and as a fan, it was awkward – but that was largely my own lingering discomfort with being a fangirl and that internalized shame that used to come with it. I think I’ve worked through most of that in the process of making that argument with everything I’ve written, so now it’s easier to mesh my multiple identities. I value my fangirl identity and would never want to lose that – it’s got all those positive impacts I talked about earlier, after all. When I’m a vendor at a con, I still close up shop and go into the ballroom for every panel. I’m still “working” because I’m live tweeting and taking photos, but I’m fangirling too. I still get butterflies on Sundays before the Jared and Jensen panels, and I hope that never changes.

For most of the other actors, I may not fangirl them with those accompanying butterflies, but that’s been replaced by a genuine fondness for them – and that is also a positive thing. I work hard to tweet their panels and take some decent photos because I know they appreciate it, and that’s a reward in itself. I appreciate all the time and effort they’ve put into writing chapters for my books and doing interviews and I just genuinely like them as people. In fact, unexpectedly perhaps, I like them more the better I’ve gotten to know them. I’m ready to line up in the “elect Misha Collins” brigade for whatever he decides to throw himself into!

As for the Show, I am still happily fandom monogamous and in love with the Supernatural universe and its fascinating fictional characters. I’ve always said that I fangirl the characters even more than the actors, and that hasn’t changed. That’s not to say that I love every episode or story arc, and I’m critical at times in my episode reviews, but overall I am still very much a passionate Supernatural fan.

Now for some fun and make believe. What’s the one thing you would like to see happen in Supernatural – no matter how kooky or unlikely?

I’d love to see Sam and Dean retire and settle down to ‘supervise’ the next generation of hunters or something. Cas is immortal, so he’d be out there hands-on helping, and AU Bobby is back so he’d also be part of the supervising section. Jody and Donna would still be out there kicking ass along with the rest of the Wayward gang and AU Charlie. Of course Rowena is there too, who can stay young and continue to be both an ally and an occasional thorn in the Winchesters’ sides. It’s my kooky fantasy, so I’d bring Crowley back too, because I so wanted more from him and his mum.  

Alternatively, just give me a day in the life of the Winchesters – the episode Robbie Thompson wanted to write and didn’t get to and that I would KILL for. Winchesters grocery shopping, or taking a day off to go to the beach for a day, or doing laundry – whatever! No case, no monsters, just doin’ their thing. Now I can’t stop thinking of it, so thanks a lot…

If you could be cast in the Supernatural-verse, who or what would you be and why?

Another long-lost Winchester, I guess. I mean, who wouldn’t want to be a Winchester if given the chance? Hopefully one who doesn’t end up trapped in the hell and forgotten…

What’s your favourite ever episode?

That’s an impossible question! I’ll try to limit it to five, because even that is difficult. I adore ‘The French Mistake’, ‘Baby’, and ‘Fan Fiction’ – they’re my go to episodes to watch when I need a shot of Supernatural. But I also love ‘Sacrifice’ and ‘Born Under A Bad Sign’ for entirely different reasons. And if I kept going, which I really want to, you’d have ‘Don’t Call Me Shurley’, the pilot, ‘All Hell Breaks Loose’, ‘Swan Song’ and ‘In My Time of Dying’. Oooh and ‘Monster At The End of This Book’ too!

Sorry. Lol.

Ok, if you had to create a cocktail to match the personality of a character of your choice, what would it consist of and what would its name be?

I have no clue about making cocktails! I just appreciate what other people come up with. I do think it would be fun to have one to match Rowena’s personality – something close to a Bloody Mary or that one that’s made with Clamato (yummm) because red, of course, but nice and spicy and with some pretty garnishes. Hope that sounds appropriate to you, Ruth Connell!

 

 

Awkward knows me by name…

It’s been a little while people, since we reminded you that you’re most definitely not alone when you do the douchiest, most embarrassing things ever…or in the case of today’s Awkward, simply attract passively awkward events and scenarios.

Those of you who have been with us a while may remember the great forehead/foreskin debacle of (circa) 2004/5 – immortalised on this blog. Well this little anecdote is the big sister of that one; it involves the same people, much awkwardness occurred, but at least I only had to bear witness, rather than lead the charge.

Everyone loves a BBQ, right??

I’m lucky to say that my family is close. We spend a lot of time together, we celebrate everything and anyone with a get together of some sort and there’s always food, laughter (often alcohol) and general, jolly good times. Since I met my husband, there has also been a hilarious upwards trend in humour, of the most inappropriate kind. Watching the bond between my dad and my husband form has been one of my greatest joys. They’re good mates. They laugh, joke, have great banter and generally lower the tone in the best ways.

So, it is no surprise that they wind each other up too.

Ahh that fateful, summer day….

Much food flinging occurred. Much laughter ensued; at some point the food fight escalated into my dad hitting my husband in the face with something pickled (not a euphemism) and there was eye washing (also not a euphemism)…..so, you would think that lessons would have been learned. But, oh no.

Picture the scene…my dad tries to take a nice picture of my eldest brother and my sister-in-law. When Kris gestures to me he thinks now would be an amazing time to ‘get dad back’…..clue, it was not a good time.

He mimed pulling down my dad’s shorts and the things that follow will be ingrained on my memory forever. I shook my head, it did seem like a jest too far. But within that millisecond it was too late.

The shorts were down. LOL, you may cry. A harmless joke. HOWEVER………as we all learned this is not something to be repeated ever again, quite simply because on that fateful, hot summer’s day………….MY DAD WAS GOING COMMANDO. Apologies in advance for anyone reading this (including my dad) who knows my family, and for whom this visual image will appear like some ghostly apparition in his presence.

Slow-motion horror swept over Kris’s face, my dad’s eyes widened, my sister in law raised a hand to shield her eyes but the inevitable had happened…my father’s junk was on show. Admittedly, this was brief, he whipped those shorts up within a flash (LOLS) and, he found the whole thing completely hilarious…as did we all, after the horror.

So…people. The lesson here is…you really never know when someone might be going commando. Ahh, that old fable.

So, as I said, a passive awkward, but awkward nonetheless!

Let us know your hilarious, horrifying family tales!

 

 

 

When we create, we give ourselves a space to express ourselves to the world – to make our innermost thoughts and feelings manifest in a way only we can. Taking the expectation off your creativity – Laura

An open letter…

Hey you, get over here.

My plea to ‘Holiday Amy’ – shouting into the void in the hope she hears and saunters on over with a cocktail in hand.

We need to talk about ‘versions of self’. We’d love to be able to say we’re our weird, bold, authentic (bleurgh) selves at all times, but if we did, we’d be lying. We hope to do that, I certainly have the best intentions (I know…road to Hell…blah) but I never quite get there.

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A slice of paradise…

A glorious two week break from school logistics, work, life, social engagements, appointments and self-imposed pressure to create amazing things (see beautiful blog by my writing soulmate Laura on this subject) showed me, or reminded me of one of the better versions of myself – in my humble opinion.

In that spirit, I decided to write an open letter to Holiday Amy, with a view to enticing her join me in the day to day and without me forking out for a trip to Spain. I wrote this while I was just on the cusp of putting my reality cloak back on (setting the scene for you there; you’re welcome).

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Dear…. me

We’re still together and I miss you already, weird as that sounds/is. I can already feel the inevitable creep of reality – the poop needing scooping from the cat litter, the pain of three hundred emails and the lists, oh Lord the lists – school items that need purchasing before the rush when all mothers (other carers guardians are available) turn into ruthless, diving sneaks to grab the last pair of gym shorts or multipack of tights (truth).

Aside (for our lovely blog readers). No-one has seen anything like the school shop chaos since Arnie tried to bag a Turbo Man for his kid in that movie…if you don’t know what I am talking about, we probably can’t be friends. Jokes. Jokes.

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Cont…

I can feel all of this stuff eroding your bronzed, laid back personality and it makes me sad. We have so much in common me and you; we talk the same, like the same music and have a rather OTT and somewhat insatiable love for pastries (though you get to embrace that with a little less self-loathing and criticism) and that’s just it. I really like you. I like the way you scrape back your hair, cast your make-up bag and daily pressure aside and just, are.

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We have the same wobbly bits (you may even have more because of the aforementioned pastry deal) but you walk around with more confidence. The soft spill of a little extra curve doesn’t make you flinch – amazing what a little tan can do for a girl. You don’t panic like me, and this is a BIG deal. Instead you breathe in fully, take in the little details around you without the thoughts being shoved out by some random act of idiocy you are plagued with from ten years ago. You savour mediterranean air and take time to notice the warmth of terracotta tiles under your rested feet. Hell, if it wasn’t obvious already, I think I love you.

So, please come home with me. Help me make time to read, remind me how happy it makes me. Make me appreciate everything when I am back to being a dramatic, stressed out PR person, or over-tired friend who is beating herself up for never quite being enough. Most of all, come home and bring some of that ‘all in, this is me, wobbles and all’ attitude with you. We all need you on the home front.

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Me xx

So there you have it.

Holiday Amy is awesome and I am here trying to emulate her majesty in real life. I mean, the jury’s still out on whether or not I managed to convince her to stay, but the fact it’s taken me four weeks to write this blog suggests reality may have scared her away.

Shhh, let’s leave these croissant crumbs here and see if she comes back.

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When are you the best version of you? Let us know.

Taking the expectation off your creativity

Creativity is fun!

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Or at least, it used to be. Back when we were kids. Creativity was a part of our everyday. We’d write or daydream, bake or play endless games of pretend. Our hobbies were messy and imperfect, taking the form of scrawled stories on Pizza Hut napkins or mud pie wedding cakes. We didn’t really need the approval of others (though we couldn’t deny the swell of pride we felt when our pictures got stuck on the fridge) – our relationship with creativity was just for us.

But that’s probably not the case now. Right?

The older we get, the more creativity seems to go hand-in-hand with negativity.

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Just a quick scroll through our Twitter feed proves our point. Everywhere we look, people are flagellating themselves over their creativite efforts: wondering ‘what’s wrong with them’ if they can’t get past a block or reach their follower goal. We’re not pointing fingers – we’re guilty of it, too – angry at ourselves if we’re not in the mood to write, constantly apologising to each other if we feel as though we’re not doing enough for this blog.

And that’s just the pastry on the PIE OF SELF-PUNISHMENT*.

*The only pie that doesn’t sound appealing to us.

When we’re not being creative – if we choose to spend an evening chilling out instead of slogging it at our laptops – we scold ourselves for ‘wasting our time’. Conversely, when we are being creative, we’re worried that we’re not doing anything useful or productive. We put pressure on ourselves to see results from our creativity. We set up goals, and are disappointed when they’re not met. We suffer from low self-esteem if nobody notices what we’ve made, especially when we see others on social media excelling. It goes on, and on, and on, and onnnn… (STREETLIGHTS, PEOPLE… DANCING IN THE BOULEV- bad timing? Okay then.)

The evidence is clear. Somewhere down the line – between childhood and adulthood – being creative becomes synonymous with being self-critical.

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The carefreeness of creating as a kid gets chucked out the window, replaced with all of the above niggling doubts, fears and frustrations instead. So where did it all go wrong?

We blame adulting (*shakes fist angrily at the sky*). Because it seems as though it’s only as we get older that we begin to expect so much of ourselves – and, by proxy, our creativity. Suddenly, our lives are measured by the goals we set and attain – from winning promotions to getting a thousand clicks on our latest post – believing that, once achieved, we’ll find more happiness and fulfilment.

Of course, this is no way to live: particularly when it comes to your creativity.

Here’s the thing. If we gear everything in our lives towards goal-meeting, our pursuits will become inextricable from the weight of expectation, and our enjoyment of them will be less. Particularly when it comes to things that are so wrapped up with our feels… such as our creative hobbies. Suddenly, the thing that you’ve enjoyed for years, that was once so freeing, is shackling – ultimately making you forget why you enjoyed doing it in the first place.

Now, don’t get us wrong.

We’re not saying that setting goals is bad, or that you shouldn’t aspire to achieve something more with your creativity. Dreams are important, and you have every right to want to make a career out of creativity (we sure do)! However, along the journey, it’s important to know when to give ourselves a break – being a little more mindful in our approach to getting there.

Protect yourself. Take note when your creative goals start to detract from your enjoyment of the pursuit. Realise when you’re being too hard on yourself. Approach whatever you love like Bob Ross (which is our general rule for life, but particularly in this case).

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Creativity should make you happy. Everything else is just a bonus.

When we create, we give ourselves a space to express ourselves to the world – to make our innermost thoughts and feelings manifest in a way only we can. It’s a privilege: so treat it like one. Create because you love to. Create because it makes you feel free. Conjure up whatever. Imagine. Be messy. Put what your heart on the page, and put your instincts first – everything else will follow.

Five quick tips for enjoying creativity again..:

  1. You know how everyone says that, if you can’t fall asleep, you should get up and do something else? The same applies to creativity. If you’re not enjoying what you’re doing or aren’t making any progress, stop. Walk away. Make a coffee, flip through a magazine, watch Ross’ ‘PIVOT!’ scene on Friends on repeat. Recharge before you reassess.
  2. Try making something that other people won’t see. For instance, if you’re a blogger, why not do a little freewriting/journaling that you don’t plan on publishing? Do your hobby in a way that’s just for you – no expectations necessary.
  3. Try something a little different! Practice photography if you’re a writer. Dance if you’re a baker. Mix it up – you might find that trying something that you’re a novice at freeing.
  4. Before you create anything, ask yourself if it’s authentically you. Would you share that post, write that article or upload that picture if you didn’t have any followers? Create the stuff you want to create – not the stuff you think you should.
  5. Take a break from social media. If you think you’re a little too reliant on likes and engagements to feel good about your creativity (which there’s no shame in – we’re all guilty of it!) take yourself offline for a while. You can re-prioritise, enjoy making things just for you and hopefully, by the time you log back on, you’ll have taken the pressure off yourself a little bit.

There are no books that are fundamentally ‘better’ than others. You are not a lesser reader if you prefer romance stories about elves in NYC than some classic bigwig. If you enjoy it, that’s all that matters. Go ahead and read it! 5 TRUTHS ABOUT READING THAT I LEARNED FROM DOING A LITERATURE DEGREE (AND HATING SOME OF IT) – Laura

Anyone for tequila? Or perhaps some soothing Drum and Bass?

It’s that time again, when we regale you with times we were ridiculous, (the ones feeling) embarrassed or (being the) embarrassing humans and you get to relate, or laugh (mostly laugh) or cringe or decide we’re too weird to even be real…it’s fine, we know the deal.

This is about the awkwardness of trying to impress a love interest. In this case, said ‘interest’ is now my husband, so although a cautionary tale in many respects, it will serve its intended purpose in encouraging you to be you regardless of how much of a tool you feel (or possibly occasionally are. We ALL are).

One tequila, that’s it, there’s no two, three, floor here.

Ahh to be young and in lust. When I met my husband he was three goes around the sun senior than my eighteen years and at the time that gap felt huge. He seemed so worldly (LOL) and mature (mega LOL) and I was all fresh-faced and just out of high school. So it goes without saying I was on the ‘Impression Train’ and it was headed straight for ‘Sure, I’m totally in that..if you are, town’ – catchy, huh?

There were many, many things he liked that I was either indifferent to, or flat out didn’t like, but of course, the first throws of love are delicate times and rocking that boat (in the none-sexy way) is not part of the strategy. So, because I was such a hilariously impressionable and insecure flower, I *may* have painted a picture of myself in some situations that was not wholly accurate.

Tequila. I don’t like it, never have. I don’t have a near death story. I’ve never woken up after half a bottle in an unknown location, but still, I just don’t like it. Fast forward to a sticky-floored bar in my university town and this happens:

Him: I’ll get these…

Me: (From behind endlessly fluttery eyelashes) Oh, thanks so much kind sir (ish

Him: I’ll get some tequilas. Do you like tequila?

Me:……..(Christ no. oh, no. Nooooo. Not shots. Awful. I might die)

Also me:…….Yeah sure!

So there we have a classic, doing-the-thing-to-impress-the-boy. Not a huge one you might think, but it went downhill from there. He was at the time a Drum and Bass DJ and anyone who saw my CD collection circa 2002 knows this was very far removed from my own musical tastes.

Pop girl goes Drum and Bass….

I rounded off my era of pretending to like things with an eye-opening attendance at a real, made for proper fans Drum and Bass night in Nottingham. I had nothing to wear, I ended up in a vest and some questionable combat trousers (it was 200/3 so it was mostly allowed – don’t judge me).

I learned many things that night…..that unless you love it, dancing to this particular music is very hard. I stand out like a sore thumb in such situations (I am much more suited to pop and musicals), I can’t dress casually at all and such events are terrifying when you’re sober.

The moral of this story is be yourself. I think (hope) these occasions were not in any way classed as dealbreakers and I am sure I could have another drink and/or said ‘No thank you darling, I don’t want to go to that night as I like places where I am not sticking to the floor’ without fear of our fledgling relationship crumbling into oblivion.

 

Or…he knew the whole time but was so impressed by my commitment, I got the girlfriend (now wife) points anyway.